Starting Over.

I'm starting over--but not completely. A couple of years ago, I came to the realization that I loved writing. It's one of my favorite ways of communicating my thoughts and feelings and I've always had a knack for it. The problem was I just didn't know if I had anything that was worth reading. So here we go again. I'm fully aware that everyone and their dog has a blog they started three years ago with vigorous passion. And I'm also aware that the last time they wrote something in that blog was three years ago :) Funny how that happens. So what's different about it this time for me?

Firstly, perseverance. Basically, I want to get good at this. It's like dieting. You're into it for a week, maybe two, until you cave and eat the Krispy Kreme donut that you only have once chance to eat--and then it's all over. That poor blog is forgotten about in the world wide web abyss, collecting dust like underneath your couch. I want to fight my feelings of giving up when I'm tired and I want to make this thing good. But it never works if you're not changing the habits as much as the mindset behind it all.

Secondly, passion. I started this blog in order to create a platform to talk about human things. I have a high value for communication and vulnerability but--funny enough--I'm on a journey myself of learning how to communicate and be vulnerable. I grew up the sixth of nine children to amazing parents who have been married for almost forty years. While my family is incredible and beautiful, we will be the first to tell you that we haven't done things perfectly. 

I didn't grow up in a culture that talks about the difficult things. I grew up thinking everything was alright and that all my inner struggles were just the normal way of life--and if they weren't normal--God forbid we talk about them. So because of that, I grew up insecure and afraid. I had no idea the meaning of vulnerability, I only knew shame like I knew the back of my hand. Until a few years ago, I kept hidden the secret that I was sexually abused as a child. So I know the warm wash of shame and hiding all too well. After receiving a lot of healing myself, I'm not afraid of talking about those once scary things. I know the freedom that comes from walking in the light. I've felt it myself. Weirdly enough, this place was the platform I felt safest to share my own past pain. I didn't know who I could tell so I decided to take the risk of sharing it publicly. While I wouldn't suggest it for everyone, at the time it felt like my only option. And I was willing to do anything to no longer live in fear. In that season of my life, it was my shield of protection. I could hide behind the computer screen and feel safe enough to tell the world my most vulnerable secret. But this season is about doing that very thing, but without the need to hide. I realize that there will be places where I'm misunderstood...and that's okay. I want this to be a safe place, somewhere where shame once existed but no longer has power. It's time to clean house. 

My hope and dream for this blog--for this discussion--is to make a space for freedom to grow. I want to see people set free from their own inner turmoil. I want to see people stop being afraid of talking about the hard things. I want to see people walk in joy. Let's talk about that thing you believe no one else struggles with. Let's talk about controversial subjects. Let's talk about the things our parents couldn't talk to us about.
As this blog continues, my hope is to have some amazing guest writers share their own experiences and stories--their struggles, pain, and breakthroughs. 

Here are just a couple ideas of the things I want to talk about: wholeness, vulnerability, fear, joy, mental health, sex, sexuality, relationships, purity, boundaries, God, addiction, brokenness, abuse, thankfulness, porn. No order. No filters.

Will you join me?

Love always,

Ben

[picture of me by Clifton Peches, follow him on instagram @_cliffy_]