A New Year, I Knew Me: Pauper to Prince.
I'm an heir, not an error.
Heaven and earth are colliding, and it isn't subtle. It's actually quite loud. The noise is distracting because it ruptures my thought-life with controversy. My brain is telling me that I'm a pauper, a slave to the world around me--but my heart is telling me that I'm a prince, an heir to the throne.
The last couple months have kicked my ass in the most beautiful ways. Yes, I cussed, but I received the anointing to say "kicked my ass" because Jesus agrees that it is an appropriate description of my process right now. So back off ;) I've cried, I've fumed with anger, I've complained, I've argued, I've loved, I've forgiven, and I've received hope. I can't say it's been the best side of me, but it's definitely been the best thing to happen to me. Through the frustration, I've begun to see who I really am. I've seen glimpses of the impact I'll have on this world and the people I will help. The most difficult part has been the last couple weeks during Christmas break where I've seen who I am not. I wish I could say that the process of growing in the Spirit and into the man God has created me to be is a sweet, delicate journey. But it's been quite the opposite. It's been full of glorious-ugly. The ugly you can feel when in the middle of a crappy situation. The process has been mostly me giving up on being what I am not. I'll explain what that has looked like in a second, but first let me reassure you that it is the best thing to happen to you.
I came to Bethel believing that I knew everything there was to know about God and His love because I had read many of the books and listened to a million of the pod-casts. I thought I had it all down and was fully prepared for school to begin. Quite honestly, I wasn't really sure what I was going to grow in because I thought I had everything figured out and wasn't sure how I would be able to learn from anyone. That right there is a mini sign that something is wrong with my thinking. A couple months ago, I was oblivious to everything around me. The thing I am most proud of when coming to school was my complete willingness to change. I hate change. I hate the process of it. But I fully believe that it is one of the keys to experiencing the glory God has set out before me. So I give myself credit in wanting to become more vulnerable. I am willing to do whatever it takes to grow. I just usually regret that confidence later on ;)
The root issue of most of the world's problems is self-love. Many people don't have it. Including myself. The last couple weeks God has shown me over and over again how important it is that I learn to truly love myself. I've never hated myself but the problem is that I've never loved myself. I yearn to see reconciliation spread across the planet and I hope to see people restored to the glorious ones God created them to be. I dream to see people whole. But until I love myself completely, I will fail to help people become fully restored. Until now I have never really understood the meaning of "loving your neighbor as you love yourself". If you only have a certain amount of respect for yourself, how will you respect other people the way you should? If you love yourself only 70 percent, then that's the most you can love others because it is impossible to love others more than yourself.
Self-love ties into the rest of my life. I have been told that I am a leader; that I am powerful; that I am inspiring. People tell me that all the time. And those are traits I aspire to have. I've taken them only as sweet compliments because I never believed those things to be true about myself. What if the only things that aren't true are my own thoughts? What if my entire life I've believed things about myself that turned out to be true only because there was a voice inside my head that whispered those negative things to me everyday.
I read "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" twice and loved it each time. It is an incredible book written by one of the pastors at my church. I knew the whole pauper-to-prince theory struck a cord in me somewhere but I wasn't sure why. And this Christmas break, the Lord revealed it to me. I recently experienced a moment of rejection that threw my life off balance. It turned out to be the way God would show me who I really am. If you were to talk to me a month ago, I wouldn't have been able to talk about how it was going to work out for my good, but thankfully I now can.
Everyone experiences rejection, but only people who don't know who they are let it define them. I didn't know who I was and so when it popped up, I let it define me. I realized that I've worked for approval and acceptance my entire life. When I was a kid, the thing I feared most was authoritative rejection. I was afraid to disappoint my teachers and other parents. I grew up believing that discipline meant "I don't love you anymore." I also believed that love was conditional. If I did anything to mess up, I would be rejected. I went all through grade school and high school without receiving a single detention. I was afraid to do anything wrong. The fear physically made me sick to my stomach. That mentality set me up to fear taking risks. I was afraid to begin relationships with people because I assumed that if I was to try and hang out with someone and they weren't available, that meant they didn't like me. The devil took that fear and blew it up into many large monsters. It made me believe that I didn't have a voice and no one wanted to hear my opinion. And so I spent my life working to be heard. If I did something right, people would accept me. I looked for acceptance in the stupidest of places, like Facebook (because Facebook is an accurate representation of real life, right?). I realized that I even looked for acceptance at BSSM. When school first started, I assumed rejection didn't exist there because everyone at BSSM is as perfect as Jesus. But I learned that wasn't true. I'm not saying that people are the problem, I'm saying that until you learn to love and accept yourself, rejection will exist everywhere you go--even places like Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Now the phrase "love is an inside job" all makes sense.
Pauper to Prince.
The next fight is continuing my new life as a prince without the mind of a pauper. That kind of thinking is not intended by God. I lived in a palace my whole life but spent it sleeping on the floor, not because I didn't know where I was, but because I didn't know Whose I was. I didn't know I was the son of the King. I didn't know I was worthy and qualified to sleep in the bed, let alone understand that the bed was mine to sleep in. The pillow had my name on it. The devil convinced me that though I may live there, I live in the basement as a slave. He convinced me that I don't own any part of it and that I have no inheritance. This next season is where I take back what God intended for me to have. The most difficult part of this transition is renewing my mind and humbling myself to the fact that I've lived my entire life approaching everything from a pauper mentality and not from Heaven's perspective. This next season will be a change in the people I surround myself with, the way I approach work, the way I approach obstacles and the motive for my future. I am no longer a survivor of my own thinking, but a warrior. Becoming a prince means leaving behind what has held me back in the past. Becoming royalty means knowing I deserve better than what I've had. I deserve the best, not because I earned it, but because it is in my inheritance.
This is a new year where I know who I really am. Cheers to 2015. Love and bless you all!
Heaven and earth are colliding, and it isn't subtle. It's actually quite loud. The noise is distracting because it ruptures my thought-life with controversy. My brain is telling me that I'm a pauper, a slave to the world around me--but my heart is telling me that I'm a prince, an heir to the throne.
The last couple months have kicked my ass in the most beautiful ways. Yes, I cussed, but I received the anointing to say "kicked my ass" because Jesus agrees that it is an appropriate description of my process right now. So back off ;) I've cried, I've fumed with anger, I've complained, I've argued, I've loved, I've forgiven, and I've received hope. I can't say it's been the best side of me, but it's definitely been the best thing to happen to me. Through the frustration, I've begun to see who I really am. I've seen glimpses of the impact I'll have on this world and the people I will help. The most difficult part has been the last couple weeks during Christmas break where I've seen who I am not. I wish I could say that the process of growing in the Spirit and into the man God has created me to be is a sweet, delicate journey. But it's been quite the opposite. It's been full of glorious-ugly. The ugly you can feel when in the middle of a crappy situation. The process has been mostly me giving up on being what I am not. I'll explain what that has looked like in a second, but first let me reassure you that it is the best thing to happen to you.
I came to Bethel believing that I knew everything there was to know about God and His love because I had read many of the books and listened to a million of the pod-casts. I thought I had it all down and was fully prepared for school to begin. Quite honestly, I wasn't really sure what I was going to grow in because I thought I had everything figured out and wasn't sure how I would be able to learn from anyone. That right there is a mini sign that something is wrong with my thinking. A couple months ago, I was oblivious to everything around me. The thing I am most proud of when coming to school was my complete willingness to change. I hate change. I hate the process of it. But I fully believe that it is one of the keys to experiencing the glory God has set out before me. So I give myself credit in wanting to become more vulnerable. I am willing to do whatever it takes to grow. I just usually regret that confidence later on ;)
The root issue of most of the world's problems is self-love. Many people don't have it. Including myself. The last couple weeks God has shown me over and over again how important it is that I learn to truly love myself. I've never hated myself but the problem is that I've never loved myself. I yearn to see reconciliation spread across the planet and I hope to see people restored to the glorious ones God created them to be. I dream to see people whole. But until I love myself completely, I will fail to help people become fully restored. Until now I have never really understood the meaning of "loving your neighbor as you love yourself". If you only have a certain amount of respect for yourself, how will you respect other people the way you should? If you love yourself only 70 percent, then that's the most you can love others because it is impossible to love others more than yourself.
Self-love ties into the rest of my life. I have been told that I am a leader; that I am powerful; that I am inspiring. People tell me that all the time. And those are traits I aspire to have. I've taken them only as sweet compliments because I never believed those things to be true about myself. What if the only things that aren't true are my own thoughts? What if my entire life I've believed things about myself that turned out to be true only because there was a voice inside my head that whispered those negative things to me everyday.
I read "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" twice and loved it each time. It is an incredible book written by one of the pastors at my church. I knew the whole pauper-to-prince theory struck a cord in me somewhere but I wasn't sure why. And this Christmas break, the Lord revealed it to me. I recently experienced a moment of rejection that threw my life off balance. It turned out to be the way God would show me who I really am. If you were to talk to me a month ago, I wouldn't have been able to talk about how it was going to work out for my good, but thankfully I now can.
Everyone experiences rejection, but only people who don't know who they are let it define them. I didn't know who I was and so when it popped up, I let it define me. I realized that I've worked for approval and acceptance my entire life. When I was a kid, the thing I feared most was authoritative rejection. I was afraid to disappoint my teachers and other parents. I grew up believing that discipline meant "I don't love you anymore." I also believed that love was conditional. If I did anything to mess up, I would be rejected. I went all through grade school and high school without receiving a single detention. I was afraid to do anything wrong. The fear physically made me sick to my stomach. That mentality set me up to fear taking risks. I was afraid to begin relationships with people because I assumed that if I was to try and hang out with someone and they weren't available, that meant they didn't like me. The devil took that fear and blew it up into many large monsters. It made me believe that I didn't have a voice and no one wanted to hear my opinion. And so I spent my life working to be heard. If I did something right, people would accept me. I looked for acceptance in the stupidest of places, like Facebook (because Facebook is an accurate representation of real life, right?). I realized that I even looked for acceptance at BSSM. When school first started, I assumed rejection didn't exist there because everyone at BSSM is as perfect as Jesus. But I learned that wasn't true. I'm not saying that people are the problem, I'm saying that until you learn to love and accept yourself, rejection will exist everywhere you go--even places like Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Now the phrase "love is an inside job" all makes sense.
Pauper to Prince.
The next fight is continuing my new life as a prince without the mind of a pauper. That kind of thinking is not intended by God. I lived in a palace my whole life but spent it sleeping on the floor, not because I didn't know where I was, but because I didn't know Whose I was. I didn't know I was the son of the King. I didn't know I was worthy and qualified to sleep in the bed, let alone understand that the bed was mine to sleep in. The pillow had my name on it. The devil convinced me that though I may live there, I live in the basement as a slave. He convinced me that I don't own any part of it and that I have no inheritance. This next season is where I take back what God intended for me to have. The most difficult part of this transition is renewing my mind and humbling myself to the fact that I've lived my entire life approaching everything from a pauper mentality and not from Heaven's perspective. This next season will be a change in the people I surround myself with, the way I approach work, the way I approach obstacles and the motive for my future. I am no longer a survivor of my own thinking, but a warrior. Becoming a prince means leaving behind what has held me back in the past. Becoming royalty means knowing I deserve better than what I've had. I deserve the best, not because I earned it, but because it is in my inheritance.
This is a new year where I know who I really am. Cheers to 2015. Love and bless you all!
"Heir not an error." Noice. I love stellar one liners. And way to use the actual Disney Castle
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