The Other Side of Fear

I don't care who you are--a pastor, a doctor, a child, a homeless person, a CEO, or just a parent--everyone deals with insecurity and fear at some point in their lives. It's called being a human being. When God created us, He didn't give us the mind of a robot, He gave us the mind to think for ourselves. And with that comes the freedom to do what we want and the freedom to make our own decisions. Unfortunately, such a freedom can be destructive depending on how we manage it. The difference between someone who struggles with their fears their entire life and someone who overcomes them is the ambition to face them head-on. They didn't wave a magical wand and all their problems disappeared, they worked hard to move past what was holding them down. As Winston Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Growing up, I was raised in a house that was afraid to talk about our problems. The lack of communication created barriers that eventually left everyone hurt and afraid with no choice but to resort to start self-medicating ourselves with alcohol, drugs, divorce, self-harm and silence. Silence is deadly. It wasn't until I removed myself from that dark storm and moved to an environment that embraced communication that I was able to begin to feel set free.. Since then, I have grown up and have become so much happier. I still struggle with communication on certain things, but it's all a work in progress.

I've discussed a few times the importance of men getting over the stigma that says we should be quiet about our feelings. I firmly believe that 99% of the world's problems could be avoided if men learned how to do one thing- talk. We create an environment for boys that tells them that they need to be "men" and suppress what's really bothering them. Boys are taught to hold in their feelings, until one day, they explode with all the built up anger and anxiety--and we wonder why violence is as high as it is. Unfortunately, in today's society, it's frowned upon for men to express themselves, even with other men. If you look in the New Testament, you will find instance after instance of Jesus expressing His feelings, whether it was crying with the women over the death of His cousin, flipping over tables in anger in response to those violating His Father's House, or by expressing brotherly affection with His disciples. Jesus is the epitome of what a bromance looks like. He wasn't afraid to be vulnerable with the people in His life and He wasn't afraid to need the love of the men in His life. A couple months ago, somebody asked me what my love languages are. I had this weird feeling because, for some reason, I began to think that physical touch was one of them, especially from guys. Never before had I thought that and I thought it was weird that I just realized it now. But they pointed out that it makes sense that I never realized it before because if I grew up not getting physical touch, how could I know it was one of my love languages? But after moving to Redding where men express their love for each other in a healthy way like Jesus loved His disciples, it was something I noticed right away that I yearned for. I needed that kind of love because it was something I never received growing up. And I appreciate it so much more today. I never thought in a million years that I would be a physical person?

Everything we want in life is on the other side of fear. Nothing is free except for the love of God. We sometimes get the notion that we should never have to work to get where we need to be, and that leaves people stuck in their comfort zones. Success isn't in our comfort zones. We go through life living off the scraps, but what we need most is just past the line where we normally stop and freeze up. Before I moved out here, I had a list of things I knew I wanted to accomplish. But for everything I wanted to accomplish, there was a clear line that I needed to pass in order to achieve the real glory. And past that line was everything I was afraid of. I wanted healthy relationships, but I was unwilling to open myself up to those around me in order to even begin relationships. I want to be the best husband to the woman God chooses for me, but if I can't deal with my own issues and learn to love myself, how can God trust me to fully love one of His daughters? God will never give us anything we can't handle, but He will throw things at us that look impossible. And that's exactly where He tests us to see how passionate we are for Him. How bad do we want it? If we want to have all the glory that He intended for us to have, we need to learn how to receive and appreciate the small things that He cares for. And that can mean dealing with the little things in our life that have a drastic affect on us, such as our own feelings. 

How do you learn to trust people again? Think about what made you stop trusting people in the first place and deal with the issue.

How do you get over your fear of heights? Go sky-diving. Go to the top of a tall building.

How do you lose weight? Dig deep into the things that make you over-eat. What emotions do you feel right before you head to the refrigerator?

How do you forgive the person who hurt you? Realize it's okay to feel compassion for the abuser and even though you forgive them, it doesn't mean you have to be around them ever again.

How do you get over your porn addiction? Look at your heart and figure out what triggers your need for a false sense of relationship and love. Where have you lacked love in your life?

It really is simple. Fear is only in our head. The greatest defeater is simply going at what scares you with the full force that God is behind and has your back.

Everything we want to achieve in life isn't as complicated as we think. All we have to do is realize that fear is our adversary. It's only there to restrain us from His glory. It doesn't belong in our life. It isn't from God because God is only good. And if He's only good, then evils such as fear can't be produced from Him. Fear is the devil's favorite weapon. He uses it to hold us down from becoming the man or woman of God. The best way to overcome it is to face it head on. Fear stands no chance.

These are just a few things I've been dealing with but while dealing with them, I've seen some incredible progress and felt the grace of God like never before. Just some food for thought. Blessings!