What Happens When God Is Silent.
What happens when God is silent?
When I moved to California a few months ago, I came prepared to experience change. Change was something that I was terrified of, and I knew was essential to my walk with God. I know this city is incredible in many ways, but I've felt a little lost. Don't get me wrong, I love being here and don't see myself going home, I've been waiting for that moment when everything becomes clear. Why am I here? Having faith means trusting God, even when I find it impossible to see the light.
About a year ago, God told me to come to Redding (like the billions of other Bethel kids) and while He showed me going to the school of ministry in the future, He didn't make it crystal clear exactly when it would happen. Funny how that works, eh? He wants other things to happen in my life first. Since I moved here, I've been in this season of silence. Not just silence in myself, but also in God. It's been a lot more difficult that I thought it would be. We have so many moments when we think we know what's going on and then - boom! - God shifts gears. That's where I'm at right now. I've spent most of my adult life in control of everything I do. I thought I controlled the vehicle. But maybe that's where things need to change - I need to stop trying to be the boss of everything and let Him do His job. It's important to realize that when we're in these seasons of silence, it's not because God is far away, it's the exact opposite. He's right there with us. Often times, the greater work of God is happening in our life when we're in those times when it seems that God is silent. He loves us so much that He molds us everyday and sometimes in ways we would least expect. God is working when we don't even know it.
Before I moved out to California, God knew that there were (and currently are) many things in my heart that I wanted to work on. One is how I communicate with people. There's always a root cause to every issue. But for me, I just didn't know how to communicate, which would explain a lot of my sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness. Right away, I knew it wasn't going to fly anymore. I grew up very insecure of myself and throughout my teenage years, I figured that sarcasm and being funny was the best way to avoid confrontation or awkward situations.
And one of the heaviest things on my heart was my lack of dude relationships (or bromances if you want to call it that). I am so thankful for the female relationships that I have developed over the years. I have learned how to treat women and how to interact with them in ways that most boys don't get the chance to do before the dating world. I have always gotten along with girls so much better than guys. Up until recently, I didn't understand why I lacked guy friends. There was a huge void in my heart that I didn't know how to deal with. It wasn't until I faced the truth of my past and the terrible things that happened to me as a kid, things that should never happen to any child, that I would be able to move forward. And it wasn't until recently that I realized how much those things damaged my life. I spent 15 years avoiding the problem and because I was hurt by a guy I trusted, it hurt me deeper than I could imagine. I didn't think that'd be the reason why I never trusted them or even allowed myself to develop meaningful friendships with any guys.
God wants us to guard our hearts, but there isn't any need for barbed wire. I spent 15 years with barbed wire sky-high rejecting any guy that could potentially be a great friend because one person selfishly hurt me. But God told me that it was time to take down the fence. And because of that, I've started trusting men. I know for some people, they won't understand my issue, but for others who do understand, they know the relief of letting your guard down. It's unfair to treat everyone like they hurt you because one person actually committed the offense. I asked God how to trust them and He said plain and simple, "If you trust Me, you can trust them."
Even though God has been silent, He's thankfully given me occasional whispers that tell me I'm on the right path. It's easy to feel misled sometimes, but it's in the silence that God gets a better picture of what's going inside our hearts. For me, He made it clear that this time is to be spent doing the things that I would normally avoid at all cost. Like being vulnerable with guys I would just give the cold shoulder to, or just hanging out with guys in general. So far, God has thrown some awesome guys into the picture. I'm a little confused because some of those really cool guys I can see being amazing friends with have decided to move back to their hometowns shortly after I finally let my guard down. Part of me is thinking, "What?! Why now? Of all the times I decide to become good friends with a few people, they feel it necessary to leave me." That's also me just hating change. I'm choosing to believe that that is somehow apart of His plan. Until then, we'll see what happens next.
When I moved to California a few months ago, I came prepared to experience change. Change was something that I was terrified of, and I knew was essential to my walk with God. I know this city is incredible in many ways, but I've felt a little lost. Don't get me wrong, I love being here and don't see myself going home, I've been waiting for that moment when everything becomes clear. Why am I here? Having faith means trusting God, even when I find it impossible to see the light.
About a year ago, God told me to come to Redding (like the billions of other Bethel kids) and while He showed me going to the school of ministry in the future, He didn't make it crystal clear exactly when it would happen. Funny how that works, eh? He wants other things to happen in my life first. Since I moved here, I've been in this season of silence. Not just silence in myself, but also in God. It's been a lot more difficult that I thought it would be. We have so many moments when we think we know what's going on and then - boom! - God shifts gears. That's where I'm at right now. I've spent most of my adult life in control of everything I do. I thought I controlled the vehicle. But maybe that's where things need to change - I need to stop trying to be the boss of everything and let Him do His job. It's important to realize that when we're in these seasons of silence, it's not because God is far away, it's the exact opposite. He's right there with us. Often times, the greater work of God is happening in our life when we're in those times when it seems that God is silent. He loves us so much that He molds us everyday and sometimes in ways we would least expect. God is working when we don't even know it.
Before I moved out to California, God knew that there were (and currently are) many things in my heart that I wanted to work on. One is how I communicate with people. There's always a root cause to every issue. But for me, I just didn't know how to communicate, which would explain a lot of my sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness. Right away, I knew it wasn't going to fly anymore. I grew up very insecure of myself and throughout my teenage years, I figured that sarcasm and being funny was the best way to avoid confrontation or awkward situations.
And one of the heaviest things on my heart was my lack of dude relationships (or bromances if you want to call it that). I am so thankful for the female relationships that I have developed over the years. I have learned how to treat women and how to interact with them in ways that most boys don't get the chance to do before the dating world. I have always gotten along with girls so much better than guys. Up until recently, I didn't understand why I lacked guy friends. There was a huge void in my heart that I didn't know how to deal with. It wasn't until I faced the truth of my past and the terrible things that happened to me as a kid, things that should never happen to any child, that I would be able to move forward. And it wasn't until recently that I realized how much those things damaged my life. I spent 15 years avoiding the problem and because I was hurt by a guy I trusted, it hurt me deeper than I could imagine. I didn't think that'd be the reason why I never trusted them or even allowed myself to develop meaningful friendships with any guys.
God wants us to guard our hearts, but there isn't any need for barbed wire. I spent 15 years with barbed wire sky-high rejecting any guy that could potentially be a great friend because one person selfishly hurt me. But God told me that it was time to take down the fence. And because of that, I've started trusting men. I know for some people, they won't understand my issue, but for others who do understand, they know the relief of letting your guard down. It's unfair to treat everyone like they hurt you because one person actually committed the offense. I asked God how to trust them and He said plain and simple, "If you trust Me, you can trust them."
Even though God has been silent, He's thankfully given me occasional whispers that tell me I'm on the right path. It's easy to feel misled sometimes, but it's in the silence that God gets a better picture of what's going inside our hearts. For me, He made it clear that this time is to be spent doing the things that I would normally avoid at all cost. Like being vulnerable with guys I would just give the cold shoulder to, or just hanging out with guys in general. So far, God has thrown some awesome guys into the picture. I'm a little confused because some of those really cool guys I can see being amazing friends with have decided to move back to their hometowns shortly after I finally let my guard down. Part of me is thinking, "What?! Why now? Of all the times I decide to become good friends with a few people, they feel it necessary to leave me." That's also me just hating change. I'm choosing to believe that that is somehow apart of His plan. Until then, we'll see what happens next.
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